Let’s face it, the process of change can feel like an uphill battle, especially with behaviors that feel deeply engrained. Moving outside the comfort of what is known into the discomfort of the unknown takes patience and time. It also takes self-compassion for the ‘slip-ups’ that will inevitably occur.
You see, change is not linear – it’s an ebb and flow process that involves a pace that feels right for YOU. It’s important to understand and work with the (often conflicting) forces within us, not ignore them.
So, if you find yourself stuck between insight and action; thinking more than acting on the change you want to create in your life – here are 5 key tips that will help propel you out of idle and into action around getting unstuck:
1 Start Small and Build Up
Start with the molehills not the mountains.
Creating realistic and doable goals is key for success, but often we want change to happen yesterday. As a result, unrealistic action plans are created from that place of desperation and urgency, which only sets you up for failure.
Creating attainable, realistic goals are important when striving to change behavior because slow and steady wins the race. Extreme measures on the other hand are typically a detour, not the short cut we hoped they would be.
So, how can you tell if an action plan is too much? If you feel overwhelmed with the thought of implementing it, that’s your sign it’s time to simplify your plan of action.
2 Be Mindful
Engrained behaviors are typically on auto-pilot, and when we’re on auto-pilot we aren’t truly present in the moment. The practice of mindfulness, or of being present to our immediate experience allows for the cultivation of the ‘who, what, where, when, why’ around our behaviors.
We can’t shift, change or honor what we aren’t aware of in the moment, so the practice of being mindful can serve to interrupt auto-pilot and allow us to see how to respond differently in the moment.
One way to practice the act of mindfulness is to regularly tune into your breathing. It’s an easy way to tune back into the here and now.
3 Stop Your Negative Self-Talk
Often negative self-talk is used to motivate change, or to keep oneself ‘in check’ with behaviors we’re trying to change, but instead this strategy tends to keep us stuck.
Why? Because desperate thoughts often lead to desperate feelings, which then can lead to desperate measures (such as emotional eating to self soothe). So, if your self-talk defaults to bashing yourself, then it’s time to change your tactic, because research has shown that we are what we think.
Every thought has the power to change our biochemistry and our hormones – every single thought by creating new neural pathways in the brain. This fact is either freeing or daunting, depending on our current default thinking, but the good news is that we can change our minds – literally.
So, when a negative thought pops up, simply replace with something more compassionate, such as ‘may I be gentle with myself in this moment’, or another affirmation that feels comforting and authentic to YOU.
This simple (yet not so simple) strategy can begin to shift the lens with which we see ourselves, which is key for getting unstuck.
4 Don’t Resist Change
Often when the desire for change is beckoning us, we may focus on what we don’t want to let go of, instead of focusing on all the good that will be gained by practicing the new behavior.
It’s helpful to list the pros and cons of changing – and not changing a behavior. Hopefully the pros outweigh the cons, but even if they don’t, becoming clear on the positives of change will help inspire motivation around being different.
5 Don’t Isolate
When we’re in a rut, often we find ourselves isolated and suffering alone. The reason for this isolation may be shame, or not wanting to be a burden to others, or simply not having the energy to reach out.
It’s important to get the support you need for making that first (or 2nd or 10th) step out of idle. So think about who you can reach out to – whether it’s a friend, family member or professional.
There’s no need to go it alone, and a little help and encouragement can be very helpful and for feeling like you have an ally along the way.
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